Here I was sitting on the floor three feet from her pulling out all of my “foster parent training tricks” and not a single one worked. Do you want to play with toys? “Mommaaaa” Do you want to watch cartoons? “Mommaaa” Do you want to eat some cookies? “Mommaaa” Do you want to jump in the van and head to Disney? “Mommaaa”
I feared she would wake up all the children that were fast asleep, dreaming of composition notebooks, pencils, and tardy slips. I feared she would eventually break the door knob. I feared my husband would be physically exhausted before he even faced a physically exhausting day of work. I feared that she wouldn’t let me get near her enough to check for lice AND that would be a “back to school” nightmare. And, that’s when I realized how selfish I was being. Here I had superficial “fears” when this scared, broken child’s world had been turned upside down and SHE had fears and all she knew was, she didn’t have her “mommaaa”. Regardless how traumatic her situation was, she did not want cookies, cartoons, and toys. She wanted her “mommaaa”.
I mustered up the most desperate prayer I could think of begging God to send her some kind of comfort and peace and that He would send me some kind of wisdom to fix this situation so she could get some much needed rest.
The closer I would get, the farther she would run.
Finally she wedged herself between the wall and our entertainment center, and that is where she fell asleep.
And, in that moment, I looked at that broken child who was asleep standing up, none the less, and realized that IS foster care.
My husband reached down and picked up her exhausted body. We both cringed as we debated whether or not she was going to freak out or if she was going to stay awake. She wrapped her arms tightly around my husband’s back as she let her head drop on his shoulder, and finally, peace and comfort was achieved.
People always say, “I don’t know how you do it..” and I never know what to say because most of the time it isn’t “hard” like they imagine. To me foster care means yummy pancake breakfasts on Saturdays, fun trips to the McWane Center, celebrating holidays BIG because we are a BIG family, lots and lots of laundry, listening to children laugh and play, BIG vans, and multiple trips to the schools (insert eye roll).
But sometimes foster care means washing matted vomit out of a child’s hair, staying awake till morning while waiting on DHR to deliver a child, washing comforters and sheets every day because of traumatized bed wetting, and allowing a child to lay their head an inch from yours without knowing whether or not that child has lice.
We so desperately need more foster homes in our community. I know this probably isn’t the poster blog-post for recruiting foster parents, but you should know what your getting into before even entertaining the thought. There is good, bad, and ugly (in our case, broken) in every decision worth making, but, I can guarantee, the good will outweigh the bad.
You could bring peace and comfort to a scared, broken child. You could step in and care for a child while their parents bust their ass to get their life back together- which is one of the most rewarding things to watch unfold in foster care. You could be the permanent home for a child who needs stability. You could send a child off to college that would have never had the chance to even graduate high school.
But, that’s not all. Not only can you be a blessing to children in foster care. They can be a blessing to you..
They will teach you what it really means to be grateful. You will never take running water for granite. You will never say “..there is nothing to eat” while staring in a refrigerator that DOES have food in it. You will be thankful for the bed you do have, regardless of the lump that might be in the middle, because at least you have a bed. You will be thankful for the clothes you have, regardless of what “fashion season” they were from, because at least they don’t have holes.
They will teach you how to love without limits. You will put every ounce of your being into the lives of these children, knowing that you might have to face “giving them back”. You will set aside your own feelings, because you will chose to feel the intense pain of a great loss because they deserved to feel the intense feeling of a great love.
You will learn a completely new level of respect. You will come face to face with loving parents that made a mistake and you’ll have to show them just as much compassion as the broken child in your care. Despite our urge to judge, we must remember that they are human and humans make mistakes. They deserve to be respected. You will talk about them with respect, because you never know what little ears are listening. You will try to understand, even when you don’t. You will learn to be respectful, even when you don’t want too.
You will grow closer to your husband and even that much closer to God. You will rely on each other more than ever because fostering is hard- physically and emotionally. You will talk to God more than you ever have as you try to understand the pain and hurt a child has gone through. You will cling onto him for comfort for both you and the children that come through your door. You will see and go through things that will make you question your own faith, and that is when you’ll need God the most. When we mother the broken, we MEET the father of the broken.
Right now you have the power to say, “I will not allow this child’s story to end like this..”
Rise up. Your county needs you.
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