Binding Together Therapy At Home (On a Whim)

One of our daughters have been struggling with some mental health recently. We have tried a number of things from in-home therapy to medication. I have reached out to old and new contacts in order to find some magic fix that could help with break downs, panic attacks and temper tantrums. Guess what I found? 

Waiting list.
Non Medicaid approved providers.
Zoloft. 
"County" mental health departments (insert shudder)
...and a lot of dead ends. 

How in the world was I suppose to expect my child to trust another stranger, when for three years she met stranger after stranger through her stagnant foster care journey? Why would I want her to feel obligated to tell someone else about her past trauma? 

I decided the best person to help her heal would be the person that she trust the most. 

Me. Her Mom. 

She depends on me to put the band aide on her knee when she falls and gets scraped. She depends on me to pull the pine cone pieces from her foot after she dashes from the trampoline to the back porch (this happens too often). She depends on me to make her dinner, wash her clothes, and provide a roof over her head. Why wouldn't she depend on me to help her understand her emotions and sort through the waded weeds of trauma? 

I knew she needed me..
..and that scared me to freaking death. 

I had been reading books, blogs, forums, you name it. I am determined to figure it out for my daughter, and in the meantime I hope to help pave the road for other parents who are experiencing the same issues. Our state doesn't provide enough support for children experiencing mental health. Instead of trying to get to the root of the child's mental health issues, providers are so easy to medicate young minds. I honestly believe this leads to prescription drug abuse, which does nothing much intensify already existing psychosis. 

I decided to make a special binder for my daughter so we could keep up with our activities and journal lessons. I was able to get a binder, tab dividers, page protectors, loose leaf paper, pencil pouch, mechanical pencils and a small pack of crayons. I used the dividers to make five sections in her binder- About Me, Journal, Oops, Feelings and Lessons. 

I was able to use Pinterest and Teachers Pay Teachers to find some really engaging activities and worksheets. We started with a fun About Me sheet where we filled out fun questions like "favorite color" and "favorite vacation". Under family she wrote "I have 9 sisters, 3 brothers and 3 parents". If that doesn't confirm all of Calera's "sister wives" speculation, lol. I thought it was adorable. This lesson was really cute and I could tell she was enjoying feeling out the questions and decorating the pictures. 

Next, we worked on a self esteem quiz where she graded herself from 1-5 on simple phrases like "I am smart" and "I think I am pretty." I feel like she struggles with self esteem issues, and that this could play a part in her constant paranoia of "no one likes me" and "everyone hates me". I truly think it is hard for someone to love others when they cannot love themselves. Abandonment, even at a young age, must take an absolute toll on how a child sees themselves. To think that the very person that grew you in their womb gave up on you (whether by relinquishing rights or termination due to inadequate progress) must be one of the hardest and heartbreaking things a child must process. Even as an adult, I don't think I could fully process this loss. 

Side note: I have much respect for parents who relinquish their rights because they know they cannot care for their child. I think it takes a very, very brave person to do this, and I am proud to have known a few special mother's and father's who did this for our children so that they were given the life they deserved. I have also seen the ugly truth about drug and alcohol addiction, and I will argue until I am blue in the face that addiction IS an illness. Show me an addict that doesn't suffer from some type of psychosis- whether it's trauma, PTSD, schizophrenia, even ADHD. Addicts STEM FROM MENTAL HEALTH. Establish better mental health providers for patients of ALL financial standings and the war on narcotics would greatly decrease! 

Going back to the binder, I was surprised to see that my daughter scored rather high on the self esteem test. She has confidence in her outward appearance and her academics, but I could tell that she is still uncomfortable when talking about her relationships with her peers and siblings (hence why she thinks everyone hates her). 

Progress was being made. 

She finished up by writing an insert in her journal. She wrote, and I quote, "Today I spent a lot of time with mommy talking and it was the best day ever." 

This isn't going to be a quick fix, but..
It's safe to say, this girl really just needs me. 
And I am okay with that ❤

Oh, and she picked out the most adorable matching JoJo Siwa shirts from Walmart for her, Paisley, Kenzie and Taytum. She was SO excited to match her sisters AND they shirts were on sale for $1!