Whether we stay at a minimum wage paying job that treats us like scum or continue allowing a toxic partner control our every move, we have learned to embrace our comfort zone no matter the consequences.
I have been reflecting on what these comfort zones look like for my own children recently. Taytum's speech problem has effected her own self esteem and I know speaking in front of her peers at the park or just in the general public is a huge step out of her comfort zone. When Taytum is at home, her mouth must move ninety to nothing. She is comfortable and around her "people", so being in her comfort zone really allows her to express herself vocally (and man does she..).
Some of our children are products of extreme physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Entering into foster care seems like a savings grace for anyone suffering from such horrific conditions, but going from "home" to a complete strangers house can easily be just as traumatic. Some of my children's comfort zones consisted of nasty living situations and a constant flow of prostitutes and drug dealers. No fuzzy slippers, no warm bed, no comfy couch with unlimited, binge worthy tv shows. Regardless of the trauma that they were experiencing, they found comfort in the very things that brought them emotional and physical pain.
This revelation brought me to question my own comfort zone and what toxic things I reluctantly find comfort in. One of the many toxic traits I struggle with is feeling the constant pressure of everything having to be perfect. My children have suffered through hell and high water, and I constantly feel pressured to make everything from here on out complete perfection for them. They deserve it, hand downs. I have to remind myself that they also deserve for me to show them the true struggles of having a family, being married, being a mom, etc. They need to see the raw truth and with raw emotions so that they can have a good baseline of how things should be presented in a family setting. After all, they were just informed that their comfort zone was more of a battlefield and that everything they've ever known was wrong.
I was driving the other day and shuffling through my Apple Music playlist when I heard a new song that spoke directly to me. The song used metaphors surrounding a "safe room" and how we find comfort in our safe room, even though it's full of its own demons.
"My mind is a house with walls, covered in pain. See my problem is, I don't fix anything, I just try to repaint. Cover 'em up like they just didn't happened, say things like I wish I could change."How many times do we allow things to happen or allow people to make us feel a certain way and instead of addressing it, we just cover it up? We just bottle up all these emotions that we are scared to express, but why? Why do we think expressing emotion is a sign of weakness? Why should we struggle alone? Why should we experience a death of a loved one, miscarriage, divorce, loss of a child, etc and not allow ourselves the time to properly heal as opposed to just covering up those emotions and ignoring what emotional scars are left?
By denying ourselves proper self care of our own feelings, we loose empathy towards others and their feelings. If we don't address our own feelings, we certainly aren't going to learn to be sensitive to other's feelings whether it's our spouse, partner, child, or just the general public. Our children need to see how we handle emotions.
Let them see you cry.
Let them see you mad.
Let them see you grieve.
Let them see you annoyed, stressed, embarrassed, apologetic, etc.
Let them see you manage those emotions!
And, if you don't know how to manage those emotions properly, seek out help. Self educate. Dig deep.
Open the door to your safe room and clean house.
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